Ego Vs Self Esteem

Very often we get confused between Ego and Self Esteem. People use these terms interchangeably little realizing that they are vastly different in their meaning and also expression of the attitudinal aspect. Ego is often associated with a negative emotion while Self Esteem is a derivative of very positive feeling. As I interpret, Ego is a sense or feeling that “I am great” while Self Esteem is the awareness and knowledge of one’s strengths and the distinguishing factors that makes him/her a Unique Human being.

Just to explain the difference I would refer to an instance in Ramayana when Ravana was at his death bed and Ram had asked Laxman to go to him and gain knowledge from him. It is a known fact that Ravan was a scholar with comprehensive knowledge of 4 Vedas and 6 Shastras. His 10 heads (Dashanana) are only symbolic of this knowledge of these ten treasures of knowledge.

As Laxman had Ego, he thought that as a conqueror he is superior to Ravan and therefore though the instructions to him from Rama was to seek knowledge (when one seeks something from another person his/her position becomes inferior to the giver), he choose to sit towards the head of the lying Ravan. Although he waited for some time Ravan did not notice or speak to him. This infuriated Laxman and added further fuel to his ego so he returned to Rama. Laxman was in a fist of anger as his Ego was badly hurt. He told Rama that even in his dying moments Ravan is so arrogant that he does not want to speak to his enemy (Laxman’s interpretation of the situation is based on his state of mind). Rama asked Laxman to narrate the complete incident. He quickly understood the reason for Ravana’s silence. He then went and sat towards Ravana’s feet. He was immediately noticed and Ravan obliged him by sharing with him some finer aspects of how to manage a kingdom. This episode that I have heard leads me to two distinct relevation:

1. Ravana had Self Esteem as he was aware of his scholarly knowledge and the fact that Laxman had come to learn from him, he expected Laxman to be humble, which he was not, and thus Ravan did not speak to Laxman.
2. Laxman had Ego and thus did not want to lower himself before the dying Ravana.

Let us also realise the basic fact that when we sit towards the head of a person who is lying down he can not see us as his eyes naturally would look towards his feet. So if we want to be noticed by such a person we should be positioned towards his feet. This is what Rama did. So what does it teach us? First,be humble when you want to learn something and second, drop your ego if you want to acquire knowledge.

Usually we come across urchins doing small jobs on streets or shops. We also notice other similar aged children begging on the streets. What is the difference in attitude? The first set of children have self respect while the beggards dont. We also usually encounter beggars who either make faces or verbal comments on small amounts being given as alms. I remember a case when an old woman refused to accept the money I gave her as alms as she felt it was too less. This refusal by a beggar to accept a paltry sum as alms can not be considered self respect but false “Ego”.

Ego is not a prerogative of humans alone; intelligent animals also have their own ego. A few days back I read a news item which reinforced my belief. There was a story about a parent less Panda who has been reared by the Zoo keepers from a very young age. This cub used to get lot of attention from media and people primarily because it was really cute (in fact all Pandas are cute) and secondly because it was being brought up in an unusual manner. The news further mentions that the Panda has started howling when enough attention is not given to it. What does this indicate? The initial focus and attention has created an illusion in its mind that it is some one very special and all focus should be on it. This has lead into the development of an “Attention seeker” ego in the Panda cub.

Now that I have alluded to the animal kingdom, lets take a few examples from that world. In our childhood we would have read or heard a story about the Lion and the rabbit.The cunning rabbit kills the Lion by forcing it to jump in the well after showing it its own reflection in the water and making it believe that there is another Lion down in the well which is challenging its sovereignty. A very good example of how false Ego leads to ones death.

Through all the examples above I would only like to emphasize that

Know your strengths and weaknesses. There are various HR instruments that help us ascertain our levels of awareness.

Do not be under illusion about your strengths as this is the main source for Ego.

Once you are confident of yourself be assertive and do not let anyone belittle or show you down. This is self respect.

Be open to feedback and do not be influenced by someone’s biased views.


To conclude I would reiterate that “Knowing what I am” leads to building Self Esteem while “Believing what I think I am” will develop “Ego”

I am Ok You are Not Ok

All flyers are aware that during take off and landing passengers are advised to keep all their electronic gadgets switched off. The reason given forth for this is that these equipments can interfere with the navigational systems of the aircraft.While I know that frequent flyers do not even bother to hear (forget listen)these announcements I am a bit paranoid about it and I sincerely believe that one must follow the instructions given by the crew lest risk peoples’ lives.
This incident happened a few days back when I was travelling from Bangalore to Mumbai. On the seat next to me was a young girl in her early twenties. I observed that and even before “safety belts” signs could be switched off, after the take off, she had already started her iPod. Though I thought of pointing it to her that this is against the instructions for fliers, I kept silent as I knew in a few seconds/minutes the safety belts sign would be gone.
During the flight, which was about two hours she would intermittently use her iPod or read a novel that she was carrying. After the plane started its descent again there was the usual announcement for the passengers to switch off all their electronic gadgets. I observed that this co-passenger of mine continued to watch some movie on her iPod. After a while an air hostess noticed it and asked her to switch the iPod off to which she responded that she would soon do it. I was getting a little impatient as she continued to keep it on and ignore the security advice. As I could hold myself no longer I insisted that she switch off her iPod. Her instant reaction was that “this does not interfere with the navigational systems of the aircraft”. I was furious and demanded of her to immediately switch off her iPod as it was not she but the crew who would decide what interferes with the aircraft systems. She finally had to switch off the iPod.
I am sure that this is not an isolated instance of passengers defying the instructions for fliers and having the audacity to challenge the logic for such advice. I am not an aeronautical engineer and therefore not competent to comment on what is correct. But as a layman my common sense tells me that I should follow what is advised as it not only presumably ensures my safety but also of my fellow passengers.
All of us experience many such examples in our daily life when we find people defying the laid down rules be it while driving or stopping/parking vehicles on the road or when blowing loudspeakers at late night and so on and so forth.
What does this indicate? To me it reflects the behavioral pattern “I am Ok, You are not Ok”. Not only is this attitude undesirable but also in most cases misplaced as our behavior is not based on adequate well informed reasons and justifications. I also believe that the exhibition of this behavior also underlines the feeling of a high degree of superiority complex reflected by “I know more than others” and “I don’t bother about others”. These again are negative emotions and need to be avoided. As is said, Learning always begins with Unlearning, and the first step towards unlearn is fight the feeling that I know more than others. As Newton had remarked, we all are little kids gathering pebbles of information on the sea shore and believing it to be a big booty while the enormous ocean of knowledge lies far deep and unreached by us. Let us have the humility to admit and accept that there is lot more to learn than what an individual actually knows.

Eclipses

Every one is familiar with eclipses. Very often we read about the Solar and Lunar eclipse. This year in fact mankind witnessed both these celestial events in the span of a month, a rare happenings commented by many Indian astrlogers. What is the impact of the eclipse? It reduces the brightness of the Sun/Moon till it lasts. But eclipses, though a natural process, do not last long and the magnificence of Sun and the Moon reappears in the sky after the defined period of eclipse gets over.
Many a times in our life we also experience the eclipses that may appear to dampen our brilliance, beauty and solemnity for some time. Just as in the eclipse the Sun and Moon, though exist are not visible for sometime, to the extent of the coverage of the eclipse. In a similar fashion our abilities and potentials do exist but are camouflaged and not visible to the external world then.While the eclipse phase for the heavenly bodies are well predicted and seen to be waning away as per the described durations, it is rather difficult to predict the duration of eclipse in our lives. Albiet, some astrologers claim that they can predict a man's future, I am a bit skeptical on this.
In Mahabharata there is a wonderful description of how the all powerful "Pandavas" were rendered helpless during their "Agyatvasa" of one year. To me it is a good example for all of us accept tht fact that anyone may have to pass through the period of eclipse in his/her life.
So what do we do in such times. Be calm and patient. Perseverence is the mantra for such period. Positive self talk that though the world does not see my real worth I know what I am. Be confident of our abilities and remain humble.
No eclipse is permanent and with time it will pass away bringing back the spectacular shining bodies back to their brilliance.