Ego Vs Self Esteem

Very often we get confused between Ego and Self Esteem. People use these terms interchangeably little realizing that they are vastly different in their meaning and also expression of the attitudinal aspect. Ego is often associated with a negative emotion while Self Esteem is a derivative of very positive feeling. As I interpret, Ego is a sense or feeling that “I am great” while Self Esteem is the awareness and knowledge of one’s strengths and the distinguishing factors that makes him/her a Unique Human being.

Just to explain the difference I would refer to an instance in Ramayana when Ravana was at his death bed and Ram had asked Laxman to go to him and gain knowledge from him. It is a known fact that Ravan was a scholar with comprehensive knowledge of 4 Vedas and 6 Shastras. His 10 heads (Dashanana) are only symbolic of this knowledge of these ten treasures of knowledge.

As Laxman had Ego, he thought that as a conqueror he is superior to Ravan and therefore though the instructions to him from Rama was to seek knowledge (when one seeks something from another person his/her position becomes inferior to the giver), he choose to sit towards the head of the lying Ravan. Although he waited for some time Ravan did not notice or speak to him. This infuriated Laxman and added further fuel to his ego so he returned to Rama. Laxman was in a fist of anger as his Ego was badly hurt. He told Rama that even in his dying moments Ravan is so arrogant that he does not want to speak to his enemy (Laxman’s interpretation of the situation is based on his state of mind). Rama asked Laxman to narrate the complete incident. He quickly understood the reason for Ravana’s silence. He then went and sat towards Ravana’s feet. He was immediately noticed and Ravan obliged him by sharing with him some finer aspects of how to manage a kingdom. This episode that I have heard leads me to two distinct relevation:

1. Ravana had Self Esteem as he was aware of his scholarly knowledge and the fact that Laxman had come to learn from him, he expected Laxman to be humble, which he was not, and thus Ravan did not speak to Laxman.
2. Laxman had Ego and thus did not want to lower himself before the dying Ravana.

Let us also realise the basic fact that when we sit towards the head of a person who is lying down he can not see us as his eyes naturally would look towards his feet. So if we want to be noticed by such a person we should be positioned towards his feet. This is what Rama did. So what does it teach us? First,be humble when you want to learn something and second, drop your ego if you want to acquire knowledge.

Usually we come across urchins doing small jobs on streets or shops. We also notice other similar aged children begging on the streets. What is the difference in attitude? The first set of children have self respect while the beggards dont. We also usually encounter beggars who either make faces or verbal comments on small amounts being given as alms. I remember a case when an old woman refused to accept the money I gave her as alms as she felt it was too less. This refusal by a beggar to accept a paltry sum as alms can not be considered self respect but false “Ego”.

Ego is not a prerogative of humans alone; intelligent animals also have their own ego. A few days back I read a news item which reinforced my belief. There was a story about a parent less Panda who has been reared by the Zoo keepers from a very young age. This cub used to get lot of attention from media and people primarily because it was really cute (in fact all Pandas are cute) and secondly because it was being brought up in an unusual manner. The news further mentions that the Panda has started howling when enough attention is not given to it. What does this indicate? The initial focus and attention has created an illusion in its mind that it is some one very special and all focus should be on it. This has lead into the development of an “Attention seeker” ego in the Panda cub.

Now that I have alluded to the animal kingdom, lets take a few examples from that world. In our childhood we would have read or heard a story about the Lion and the rabbit.The cunning rabbit kills the Lion by forcing it to jump in the well after showing it its own reflection in the water and making it believe that there is another Lion down in the well which is challenging its sovereignty. A very good example of how false Ego leads to ones death.

Through all the examples above I would only like to emphasize that

Know your strengths and weaknesses. There are various HR instruments that help us ascertain our levels of awareness.

Do not be under illusion about your strengths as this is the main source for Ego.

Once you are confident of yourself be assertive and do not let anyone belittle or show you down. This is self respect.

Be open to feedback and do not be influenced by someone’s biased views.


To conclude I would reiterate that “Knowing what I am” leads to building Self Esteem while “Believing what I think I am” will develop “Ego”